there is freedom in asking for help!
HELLO, HOME LOVE READERS!
Chores, bills, errands, kids, dogs, emails, voicemails, clients, employees, the lawn, my car, my website, exercise, bank balances, female upkeep, family members… I could keep going but I think you get the gist of it. There are a lot of things bidding for my attention. I get swept up and am in a feeling of anxiety that sits in my heart and throat most of the time like I don’t even have time to breathe. I’m woken up by my to-do list almost nightly and my shoulders almost touch my ear lobes regularly without my permission. I can sit at my desk for 8 hours straight with barely a thought for a pee or water break. I sometimes only eat a bite or two of peanut butter and a couple of bites of banana with a Starbucks coffee. My body is now starting to show signs of neglect.
Great.
Well, maybe all of this isn’t true for you but it most certainly is true for me.
At the end of the day, I feel like I didn’t accomplish anything. The laundry is still piled up, I didn’t make it to the grocery store, and that workout class I’ve been trying to get to for weeks, well I missed it again today because I just can’t prioritize things properly. I’d rather work until I absolutely have to get up to feed my son and the dogs.
Why is this? Why do some of us do this and some of us don’t? Well, for me it all comes down to what I’ve learned. It means you need to start asking for help especially if you’re someone like me.
How does one do this? You may have been doing it this way for so long that you have no idea where to start.
Along the way, in my 45 years, I've learned you always start by making a list.
THE LIST: Get a notepad and write down all the things that come to mind, i.e. haircut, fuel, dentist, fix front door lock, etc. These are all the things you are needing to address immediately. Then walk around your house and write down all the things you need to do or need help with, i.e. squeaky bathroom door, window is stuck shut in guest room, change lightbulb in laundry room, etc. Next, write out your master grocery list and all the errands that you do regularly, car wash, bank, dog walking... write EVERYTHING down! You might even write things down that you will never get to. Do a complete brain download and you can always modify your list later. After you’ve done this make a daily list. Your daily list is a wonderful tool that will assist you in following your new habits. Every day on your new daily list carry over from yesterday what didn't get finished. Here you can eliminate things that don’t need to get done.
KATE, WHY ARE WE DOING THIS? Anything in your home that needs tending to can be an energy drain if left undone for too long, this also applies to errands, and daily tasks. Energy drains can lead to stress, and stress can lead to a bunch of stuff that is icky and undesirable. So, we’re doing this so you don’t have to do that anymore!
WRITE DOWN WHO CAN HELP: Now, next to each task put a name or a business that can help with that task. If you have children 7 y/o and older they can help with the laundry even if it’s only their own, they can take out trash, feed animals, etc. Essentially, if there are upright beings in your home, they can help. If you have pets maybe you need a dog walker a few times a week so you don’t feel guilty not walking them every day. Groceries can be delivered so having your master list ready will help when you need to order some everyday items. I don't know how many times I forgot milk or bread because I didn't have a list with me. GoogleKeep is a fantastic app for list-making and they even have checkboxes so you can mark off tasks or food items that you no longer need, then you can unmark them when you need them again. Also place a notepad on the inside of the pantry, cabinets, refrigerator, etc. and if you aren't Alexa savvy like me, let your family members know that if their favorite snack or food item runs out they have to write it down, otherwise it won't get ordered or bought at the store. This is obviously for the family who relies on each other to communicate efficiently so if that is lacking put it at the beginning of your list of to-dos,
Example:
Task 1. - Work on communication with my peeps! (helpers - google, love and logic, podcast)
Task 2. - Clean out garage (helpers - hubby, sis, kids)
Task 3. - Nightly Routine (helpers - candle, soft pillow to sit on, make a shrine of inspiration)
EVERYTHING CAN BE RESEARCHED ONLINE: Just like for any sport, you must have a plan. If your family isn’t on board then you need a playbook and you must practice working together as a team. The way I help my family-clients get started is Sunday (or whatever day is best) is laundry day, everyone participates and they all fold and put their clothes away at the same time. Turn on the music, put a snack on the kitchen counter, dance and sing, and make it an event! Then you can all go out together and reward yourselves for working together as a team with a trip to the park or something similar.
*If you need help in the area of getting your family on board I suggest Googling “how to get my family to help with chores” or something similar. Food and music are the best ways that I’ve found to motivate kids into doing things.
TIME MANAGEMENT IS KEY: Once you’ve had a taste of how good it feels to accomplish things on your list, time management will now need to be audited. This means you aren’t available to text or chat with anyone, unless it’s an emergency, while you are doing the most important tasks on your daily list. This includes no social media or anything that can be classified as a distraction until the tasks are finished. Holy smokes social media is a major time sucker. Family members must let you know in advance when they will need something from you, so that means no last-minute things if they can be avoided. If you've been living without boundaries with co-workers, kids, and spouses, setting them and sticking to them will alleviate stress in ways you can't even imagine. Also, it will teach your children how to set boundaries as adults by watching you do it with them as children.
Kate, how do I get a jump start on all of this?
FIRST THING: Make your bed, make a cup of tea or coffee, do your morning yoga or meditation, and then review your daily list. Again, this blog is for the family or individual that doesn’t have a plan in place and it’s for those who are needing the most help. If you grab your phone first thing in the morning I guarantee you will not be able to get your life in order the way you're wanting. Your phone, iPad, etc. will always tempt you to either lay in bed longer, check emails, or read news articles, thus putting off getting started, and then the day is shot. Procrastination is the number one obstacle between you and your dream life, and if reading the news takes priority over your self-care well… whatever you read in the news will color your day/s. Try this new way for a week and see how you feel at the end. If you notice any momentum or progress, I say keep going. Leave your phone in the kitchen or somewhere you will not be able to easily access it when you wake up. Ooooh, I know it seems difficult but I’m doing this with you and it’s a hard habit to break but it’s soooo worth it.
NEXT, YOU ARE YOUR MOST VALUABLE ASSET: You must see yourself this way if you are wanting less stress and more freedom to live life. Chores and taking care of things are great but not when they consume most of your time and keep you from having fun and spending time with your favorite people or animals. I urge you to sit down as soon as possible and write out your list along with who you can ask for help. Once things are running on auto-pilot you will see how much more energy you have to do the things you love even if it's just laying on the couch for an hour watching YouTube or Instagram videos.
Yes, downtime is necessary and you need to do it however you see fit!
LASTLY, WHATEVER YOU FOCUS ON, THAT’S WHAT YOU MANIFEST: If you’re still reading my blog I bet you know exactly what I’m talking about and I also bet you’re tired of the old way of doing things. I can write these things because I’ve been there myself. I’m here to tell you that there is no magic formula. All you need is your attention and energy and in this same sentence, I can tell you that your attention and energy are all that you have, where you place these two things will determine every moment of your life.
MY HOPE: in writing this blog is that it inspires at least one of you to start making yourself and your home a priority. Some people don’t realize that the home is there to take care of you and revitalize you. It’s to be a place where you go to recharge and engage in all of the things that support you, food, moments with your loved ones, creativity, joy, peace, and purging of negative emotions. These are some of the things you need so that you are able to face the next day and the next. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that life is very difficult when you don’t have this support.
As a home organizer, with 17 years of experience, I realize now more than ever that I must ask for help, especially with the things I cannot physically do myself. It keeps me sane, happy, and in a good mood, and I need all of those things to show up and be there for the people and pets I love in my life.
Happy list-making, happy tidying, and happy life-living to you!!