Thirty-Seven
I am turning 37 in a few days and it seems like yesterday that one of my bffs and i were driving down the road in my '74 cherry red vw bug. With the Beastie Boys blaring in the background, smoking cigarettes (our parents would've killed us if they knew) wearing our ripped jeans and our stringy long hair hanging in our faces (grunge was in back then), and it didn't matter because at that moment we had the world at our finger tips. Our birthdays are one day apart....
"we're 17, we're soooooo old!"
...we said in unison with a little annoyance in our voices. Ha! If we had only known. As we turned left onto a neighborhood street driving away from our high school it didn't seem like we were making history, but looking back, sitting at that stop light, saying those few words didn't seem so monumental at the time but still to this day that memory is as vivid as this computer screen i see before me.
That was 20 years ago. Holy shit. 20. 2 decades.
I'm such a different person now than I was back then. I own my own home and business, I have two boys and i'm a single mom.... this isn't the story I would've written for myself but it's all mine. I own every word and chapter. I wouldn't change a syllable or any of the punctuation either (and there have been a lot of expletives, but necessarily so).
I've learned I have every food allergy under the sun and am trying to heal my gut. This proves to be my longest obstacle thus far and I've surrendered it knowing I will be guided in the right direction. However, chocolate still seems to be my greatest weakness.
I've learned I am a leader and not a follower and I think I just realized that right now in this very moment. Thank you, moment!
I've learned that being a parent is the hardest job you'll ever have. I am thankful for the two parents I was given and I'm glad they taught me what I needed to know to stand on these two feet.
I've learned that if you aren't true to who you are you can create negative situations for yourself that might last a lifetime. I've also learned that if you are true to yourself you'll create positive situations that might also last a lifetime.
I've learned that how i see the world is how the world sees me. We're a mirror you and me and I like my reflection to make me feel proud, not pathetic.
I've learned that your thoughts become your reality and if you think of joy and peace then it can only be evident in your life by the mere smile on your face.
Most importantly, I've learned that love is what we're all looking for and I've found it. My spiritual endeavors are now what sustain me. I don't make a move without checking inside to see how it resonates with that feeling of love. I'm still in shock that I was chosen to live this life.
What a propitious lifetime indeed.