we learn by modeled behavior…

A lot of my clients struggle with tidying. Not so much with physical tidying itself but with the getting started and the confidence in knowing what to do. I’ve been working with people for 17 years and I’ve been observing human nature my whole life. It occurred to me that if you didn’t have exposure to a tidy environment somewhere in your childhood, the likelihood of you being tidy is slim. I’ve been reading about habits and discipline and it dawned on me that if you never saw someone model a positive behavior or action how could you ever know that it existed? The question then came to me, who started civilized society and where did their modeling come from? And who was it before them? How did we go from painting on the walls of caves to drinking lattes, tying ties, shopping at Wal-Mart, and loving football?

From what I’ve observed for 46 years, it was first the religious leaders and philosophers, then the study of psychology on the the human mind and ego, the television, then psychedelics entered the main stream, followed by the self-help genre of books entering into society, and now it’s popular culture and social media influencing our way of life. When will we realize that morality mixed with humanity is a very fine line and that all we are doing as a society is copying the behaviors, good and bad, that have been and are being shown to us? Maybe we have realized it but we aren’t aware of it. I bring up this topic to tell my reader that it’s easy to change anything within yourself if you expose yourself to it regularly.

What we expose ourselves to determines what we do.

On any given morning I’d rather have coffee for the entire day and then have a healthy dinner. My body doesn’t agree that my choice to flood it with caffeine all day long, only to sprinkle a few vitamins and minerals at night, is a sufficient fuel regiment. This behavior has been modeled most of my life by parents and peers and since my body has been rebelling I have been seeking the impressions of health and wellness from other sources. I’m currently reading a book by Dr. Gabriel Maté “The Myth of Normal”. According to Dr. Maté’s research, we are basically walking and talking computer programs based on the modeling we were exposed to in childhood. His research is made evident when you walk into a public place and see similar trends in clothing and hairstyles. You’ll see it in the news and what is being reported; gossip, tragedy, crime, death. If you go to a place on earth not influenced by American pop culture you’ll notice the difference in the aging of people, the difference in architecture, food, etc.

You can be exceptional at anything that you expose yourself to, good and bad.

For example, I don’t go deep sea diving, I don’t watch footage of sharks and sea life, and I have no desire to go in the ocean past my waist. Honestly, the ocean makes me panic and I’m ok with it. I admire those that surf and paddle board with no fear. What’s interesting is when I was a small child I had no fear of the ocean and it was being exposed to pop culture that made me afraid of it. I know for certain that if I started watching ocean footage, hanging out with deep sea divers and surfers, moved to a home near an ocean, my mind would change because of the exposure to the modeling.

Break the mold and bring in new impressions and expressions.

I’m currently reading Bono’s memoir, Surrender, Johanna Gaines memoir, The Stories We Tell, and James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits. Yes, it’s a lot and it’s my attempt to control the modeling that I’m exposed to. I’m also reading Marie Kondo’s new book, Kurashi at Home. It’s her best publication to date. She discusses wiping off the bottom of your shoes daily and it bringing you good luck, regularly cleaning the entry way of your home and how it helps you have a good day, intentionally placing the things in your home so you are inspired to feel like cooking and creating. These models/writers resonate with my inner spirit and their content fits the framework of the model I’m trying to create within myself.

It’s all in your imagination.

I do a lot of public speaking and I regularly use the example of Steve Jobs and the invention of the iPhone. It began as a thought in his imagination and then he surrounded himself with the people that modeled the possibility to make it real. If you’re wanting to have a more organized home, become a deep sea diver, a rock singer, or a better mom, find the people modeling the behavior that resonate with that inner nudge and imagine yourself doing it the way they do. If you do this regularly, you will be modeling the same behavior very soon.

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